From A Writer's POV
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Ayonna is an average 35 year old single woman. She has a good job and lives fairly comfortable. Her world seems fine, on the outside. But deep within there is a longing, a yearning for love. She has several acquaintances; none of which hold any promise for a future. They are just not living the same lifestyle as she. They are the casual affairs of her past, yes, she settled for less. Since renewing her vow to her faith however she has been content to abide alone holding out in hope of finding a suitable mate.

One evening, while enjoying a quiet night at home, she receives an unexpected visit from two of her girlfriends. Accompanying them was a very familiar face. “Oh what are y’all doin’ here? Oh my God, Micah! I haven’t seen you in so long, come on in y’all,” Ayonna says all in one breath. They enter and proceed up to her second floor apartment. Once inside she discovers that one of her friends, Tylissa, is dating Micah. They all gather in the living room and jump right into conversation. Ayonna ends up going into the kitchen with Micah to talk privately, while Tylissa and Sharae remain in the living room chatting.

Ayonna shares her faith with Micah, now that there are no other voices distracting them. He confides in her regarding his lack of self control, and violent urges and asks her to pray for him. She agrees and prays for him immediately. Ayonna assures him that she will continue to pray for him. He expresses his appreciation with a hug. They return to the living room and jump back into the ongoing conversation.

In the weeks following, she and Micah communicate by phone. They become closer as they share the current details of their lives with each other. Micah is a very attentive person and Ayonna is drawn to him. Eventually he is at her door and they proceed to become better friends than they had ever been in the past. They become so close that Ayonna actually finds herself attracted to him and he to her. She ignores the warning signals in her head telling her to put some distance between them. She is vulnerable and he is aware of that. Ayonna is committed to abstaining from sexual activity because of her faith and he is not. Then one night she allows him to spend the night after being assured by him that he has no other intentions. They chat in the dark as she lay in bed and he on a makeshift bed on the floor. Their friendship continues to blossom and finally one day, while sitting side by side on the couch, he kisses her.

This kiss ignites the flame of passion which was silently flickering between them. After they fulfilled their lust, Ayonna cries in his arms because she has violated her vow to abstain. He comforts her and expresses guilt for swaying her from her faith. Even though their regret is sincere, their passion is not extinguished. And now they also have to face the reality that they have violated the trust of Tylissa. She respects their friendship and never harasses or questions them about their relationship. Ayonna convinces Micah to come to church with her several times, but it is obvious he is only going to please her and not to seek God.

Once again she is settling for less, for now she is involved in a triangular affair. She becomes so overwhelmed with guilt and shame that she stops attending church all together. And after dealing with the situation for a few months, Ayonna grows weary and ends all interaction with Micah. Now she is basically back where she started from, broken and wounded from settling for less. She has returned to her low self-esteem state of mind and rekindles another flame with a former lover.

As time goes on, she discovers from her friend Sharae, that Micah is HIV positive according to Tylissa. Apparently Tylissa herself ended her relationship with Micah after finding out and being tested. Fortunately, she tested negative. Another fact which was unknown to Ayonna during her involvement with Micah was that he is married and had infected his wife with HIV. Her world now comes crumbling down, as she recalls their intimate moments together, how he lured her with his attentiveness into his web of deceit.

“Micah has HIV, we need to be tested,” she tells her current lover, Rodney. His reaction is anger, and a hint of denial. Nevertheless, Ayonna gets tested and she assumes Rodney will also. This puts a wedge between them, because not only is Rodney involved with her, but he too is married, and involved with at least two other women as far as she knows. The reality of this is too much for Ayonna to face and she resorts to another old habit. Smoking weed day and night is the only way she can cope. Her mind is numb and she retreats into a state of denial herself; that’s how she finds herself involved again with the one who unleashed all this chaos into her life, Micah.

Yes, she sleeps with him again and again knowing in the back of her mind what Sharae told her, and Tylissa confirmed. But she refuses to take heed and chooses to ignore the reality instead. She never confronts Micah, she convinces herself that they must be lying and that he wouldn’t do such a thing to her. The final straw is when he strikes her and she ultimately cuts all ties for good. Still smoking everyday to ease her tormented conscience, she musters up enough sense to get tested once again. The verdict is negative again. She is relieved. By now she is back on speaking terms with Tylissa. They discuss the situation. However, in spite of her narrow escape, Ayonna isn’t any wiser in her future sexual endeavors.

Some ten years later, she again reunites with a dear friend, one whom she loves deeply. He gains her trust and then makes his move. The story is a rerun of her encounter with Micah. This time the lead male role is played by Travis. Her and Travis bonded as teens and maintained contact into their latter twenties. Now in her latter forties, she is again overwhelmed to see her long lost friend. Also at this time in her life, she is recommitted to her faith and vowed abstinence, this time for two years. After weeks of spending time together, whenever they can, the inevitable occurs. She yields, she cries, he holds her tight. Another love triangle, or box, or octagon has erected in her life; because Travis too has other women with whom he is intimate. She rapidly comes to her senses and stops this affair before it goes any further. She is warned by his brother to get checked because Travis has been around. She does so and all the tests, including the HIV one, come back negative. She is very grateful for God’s mercy, and forgiveness for her foolish folly. She embraces her faith with a firmer grip.

Since Travis lives 70 miles away, this works for her advantage. They still communicate on the phone and he begs her to be more than just friends. She is strong and does not yield to his pressure. After awhile the phone calls end. In January, she becomes concerned and inquires about his well being with his family members. They have not heard from him either. She grows concerned and is constantly praying on his behalf. It is August when she learns of his death. He was murdered the same day he was released from prison, his body was found on the rooftop of his former girlfriend’s apartment building. Ayonna is heartbroken, she recalls all the nights they spent on the phone after their affair and how she pleaded with him to abandon his thug lifestyle. His response was always that he couldn’t get out. She offered him hope, but he refused to take it.

Rumor had it on the street that Travis had AIDS. When Ayonna heard this, she began to pray, she had already been tested and she was clean; but yet it haunted her to think that he would intentionally expose her to a deadly disease. They had a history, a bond, she didn’t have with Micah, and she just could not believe that he would do such a thing to her. One night, shortly after 11:30 p.m. she receives a phone call from Travis’ other brother. His words blurted out, “Ayonna, you know Travis had AIDS.” She answers with dread in her voice, “no, I didn’t know for sure.” Off to the clinic, for another HIV test. She must wait a week for the results. She prepares herself for the worse; knowing that she may have to suffer severe consequences for her actions.

Her results come back negative, she is tested two more times thereafter at six month intervals with negative results each time. She rejoices in the mercy of God. Not only did God spare her from being infected by Micah, but now by Travis also. The extent of her gratitude is immense, because she put herself at risk, many times with both of these men. Only God could do such a thing, spare someone from being infected by a deadly disease. To this day, Ayonna still rejoices in the mercy of God, she is strong in her faith and still practices abstinence.

©2009tml